Das Ubercast #1

Just because I don't waste enough of your time - there's now a podcast. Right now, it isn't much of anything, but we're not sure what we want it to be yet. Until then, enjoy, and click the link nestled inside the title of this post!

Greatest Sleep Ever.

I had the most brilliant night of sleep in my life last night. That is probably a lie, but it was so good, I can't bring myself to think about better times of unconsciousness.

Anyway, I was apparently in one of those deep catatonic states, where when you wake up, every part of your body feels so ridiculously heavy... and yet your mind is all happy because it slept deep. So deep that the entire world seemed to melt into oblivion last night. Who knows. Maybe it did and everyone else is dead... but I'm still sleeping, and picturing everyone else up and walking around.

...that would suck.

I also had two very vivid dreams last night. One of them concerned what I can only assuming was a desire I was harboring for quite a while now. The basic gist was... after however long, I found an ex-girlfriend. Because of the time that had passed, were we on somewhat friendly, if not awkward terms. And then, because we never had, right in the middle of the conversastion, I leaned in quickly and kissed her. For a few very quick moments after the kiss, she had this WTF look on her face, and before she could say or do anything, I told her, "I always wanted to do that. I just wanted to know what it would feel like."

In the dream, it felt pretty awesome - but, of course, because my mind seems to work of the basis of reality, she quickly parted and would refuse to be around me for the rest of the dream. It was like our relationship had never ended.

Another part of the dream involved being introduced to a girl by Vance (he of Dr. V fame). He was a friend of his girlfriend's - and this friend happened to be my age. And cute.

Now, I don't use the word "cute" lightly. It's attached to a memory of another girl I used to like (but never had the chance to really date), and I've always liked to keep it self-contained to that memory. But there's really no other word to explain the girl my subconscious concocted.

She had this short... flowing sort of hair cut. Not curly, just... I don't know. It's hard to describe in words. Brown hair, of course, because my mind is very fixated on that color for some reason. The color of her eyes has been lost over the course of the many hours its been since I had this dream... if I had to wager, I'd say green because... well, all of *the* girls in my life have had that eye color. If my mind wanted to be nice to me, however, they would've been brown, or maybe an almost-gray sort of pale blue.

But she had one of those little noses, and a smile that was just... wow. Not a big smile, just a tiny subtle one, but the way it made her nose crinkle on the left side of her face... just that little bit. She was totally perfect. And entirely imaginary. Which was probably why, after a few short moments after meeting her, we were "dating". She asked me, and even though I don't think I responded in words, it was just assumed that... yes. I would go out with this perfect girl who seemed to be instantly fond of me.

All of this leads me to one thing: I really need a real life girlfriend again - because apparently, my mind craves connection. Or maybe I just don't feel like being lonely right now. Who knows. Either way, it's something I should probably work on.

No Soupy This Week? What to do??

No Soupy this week??? Frick. I must've lied to everyone - and the book must not be done. Not true.

At least once in every episode of The Soupy Toasterson Show, an interlude is inserted, to tell stories from other perspectives. When one of those stories come up, they will not be posted online - the only place you will find them, are in the books that will soon be available. This week, is one of those weeks.

But hey - I wouldn't leave everybody without something to check out this week...

Das Ubercast!

Yeah, Dr. Vance and I are starting up a podcast - and it's going to be... maybe decent. One day. Until then, there's a test episode to check out, recorded in my palatial basement suite. Hopefully you like it!

Into the Swing of Things

Well, the past few weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind - setting up the site and then... dealing with all the little things I didn't think I'd need to do with the site...

Very odd.

Anyway, the Tuesday Soupy updates have been going up without a hitch - I wish I could get some forums up so that people can talk about them as they come out, but not so much. I'm getting about 100 unique hits per week - a lot more than I expected, to tell you the truth... hopefully this means big things in the future.

Anyway, if anyone - ANYONE - knows how to hook me up with a forum that I can get working on the site... please, let me know. I'm going nuts trying to upload the phpbb stuff, because it ABSOLUTELY REFUSES TO CO-OPERATE!

Oh dear. Oh well. Until next time...

-B.

Pulphaus.com is live!

Check it out at www.pulphaus.com!

Of course, it will be updated with more stuff soon.

Pulphaus.com...

...goes live later today, with an all new installment of The Soupy Toasterson Show.

The site is made, we're just waiting for the request to go through. Check back for an update in a few hours!

TSTS: "The Girl in Question" Part III

(Note: The site will have to wait until Monday at the soonest - until then...)

5:56

It’s getting close to six, and so naturally, every little thing is making twitch – passing cars, walking people, flying bits of garbage… everything. Most people in town would assume that such an activity was normal for me – and it is – but Darren, bless him, knows that this time is different.

“She probably won’t even come in today,” he tells me.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I try to say casually – only to jump at the sound of the timer going off on one of our coffee makers.

“Oh really?”

“No idea.”

“Maybe I should tell Amy that when she comes in today.”

“But you said she probably wouldn’t come in… today…”

My speech slows at the end, because I know he got me, “You baited me. That was mean.”

“What can I say?” Darren says with a shrug, “I am the bait master. A master baitsman.”

I raise my cup in a fake “cheers” motion, which he accepts gratefully with a ‘tink’ of our glasses – but when our glasses are back down on the table, it’s right back to business.

“You’re too nervous about this girl,” he tells me with a slight shake of his head, “Even for you. And that’s just not healthy.”

“It’s a little healthy…”

He points a finger at me, “No. It’s not. And if you ask me, you could do with a morning without her coming into the shop. She makes you all jibbly.”

“Jibbly?”

“It’s a word. In the dictionary.”

“Of course.”

“I’m just saying,” he shrugs, “Take a look at the Coffee Soupy. Doesn’t that guy look stressed?”

I look.

“Yeah, he kind’ve does,” I tell him, “But if I was living in a cup of coffee, I’d look worried too – because eventually, I’m going to be drank to death.”

“Not really the point.”

I sigh.

“I know. But what am I supposed to do about it?” I ask, “I can’t stop her from coming in here… and I can’t just tell my brain to stop thinking things… did you know it made me check to see if I had a penis this morning?”

“And did you?”

“Yes.”

Darren lets the conversation pause, because he knows what’s going to come next. And sure enough, my mind prods me again, and I casually move my hand below the table and pat my pants.

“Yes.”

“Well, then you need to start acting like you do,” he tells me, “Man up, and ask her out.”

My face goes a little red, “I couldn’t do that. How could I – no, that wouldn’t-”

Darren holds two fingers in the air to stop the rambling nonsense about to fall out of my mouth, “It’s all very simple. She walks in the door, you take her order, and before she leaves, ask her if she’d like you to go out on a date with you.”

“I-“

“Wait, no, tell her to go on a date with you.”

“Tell her?”

“She’ll say yes,” Darren explains, “Trust me. Girls love guys who have confidence.”

I give Darren a look.

“Oh right. Confidence.”

“Yeah.”

Many seconds pass – and then Darren says something that sum up both my hopes and fears for the future.

“You’re screwed.”

“Indeed I am.”