Soupy Toasterson: Drop Me A Line.

“Isn’t that weird? Touching someone right after you break up with them? I think it’s weird. And possibly illegal.”

Lost Toast #176

And another Lost Toast - clicky los linko above.

(Really, I must think of things to say in this space.)

Lost Toast #175

Fatman "debuts"! Click above.

And no, I don't know what you're talking about.

Lost Toast #174

It's the Lost Toast strip from way earlier today!

Canadians, attack!!

Wannabe Hipster.

I am sad.

There's this IPod commercial on television with a song called Flathead that I entirely love. It's entirely faux hipster spaz rock, and I just want to flail my arms and kick my legs whenever I hear it. The Apple folks are eating my brain, and I am a-feared.

Please advise.

-B.

Lost Toast #173

How do you make awesome? Well, click the link above, and find out!

And Now For Something Completely Different.

For those of you expecting some Python, sorry - this is going to be the direct opposite of that. Think in the style of "classic" Soupy Toasterson, and you'll be in the ballpark.

This is What I Remember

It's been what. Six weeks now? More? I don't know. It actually probably depends on when we stopped lying, and really stopped talking to each other. Because there was a difference. There was that time we said good-bye, and then continued to stalk each other through other contacts. And then, there was that time where we got so angry at each other, that we kept talking to each other just to spite the other person. And then, there was the time that we finally dropped everything on the table - our history, our present, our future - and left it all behind for good. I don't know about you, but I think that's the real day everything ended - mostly because I immediately spent the next several moments ridding my life of things that reminded me of you.

The green sparkle pen, the pictures of years-gone-by on the computer, the notes on grid paper, the two real pictures that I had of you, the play lists I made for you...

I was surprised by how little time it took to gather up over five years and pack it away. But whatever. That's still how it happened.

And after I did that, the most amazing thing started happening. You started to fade. The things you liked to say, the way you used to laugh, the way you'd act as though you caught me when you caught me just... looking at you. All that. I started to realize that those memories were becoming much fuzzier around the edges - as if they hadn't really existed at all, fabrications of my own little mind.

And soon, that's probably what I'll think they were. Memories of things that never could have happened. I mean, really. In so many years, will I believe that I felt so strongly for you, when I don't even remember what you look like, what you sound like? And when I see you again - if I see you again - and you're this completely different person, with this completely different life, it'll only prove me right. The you in my head - she never existed. That wonderful person, that girl who could make me smile just by paying the littlest amount of attention to me... all just some cruel ruse my head decided would be funny.

But of course, I'll still remember that time in my life as if it were real. It'll just never, ever feel like it did. But what can you do? Life goes on...

Stay tuned.

-B.

Lost Toast #172: Third Anniversary

Finally, the third anniversary strip! This one seriously took an entire day off to do - hope you enjoy!

And A Special Thanks to You

I would like to take this moment - yes, this one right here - to thank my fans. Especially the ones who have been sending me quite a few e-mails recently. Your response to my... whatever it is I seem to do, has been amazing, and... if you're up for it, I'd like to showcase a few of you right now. Sound good? Well, I can't hear you, Invisible Interweb Presence, so I'm just going to plow right on ahead.

Thank you Charles, for your offer to bolster the size of my minuscule penis. You may be surprised to learn that you aren't the first to offer me the chance to trade up from "Cod" to "Halibut" status - but I can assure you, you are the first who offered to do so with your very own loving hands. I thank you for that, and I'll be in touch.

Also, another thank you is going out to Deena, who sent me a link to a place where I could learn how to penetrate my partner for upwards to two hours in a row! That was entirely unexpected, and above-and-beyond what I see from most of my fans. You, are a treasure.

And finally, a HUGE thank you to all of the organizations giving me awards for having the world's tiniest pickle. Back when I bought the jar at Safeway, I didn't expect to come home and find this kind of praise. While part of me wants to know how you found out about it so quick, another part is just happy to be recognized - and for that, you'll always be in my heart.

That's all the thanks I have time for right now, but keep sending those e-mails! You'll never know when you'll see your name in this very space!

Lost Toast #171

I really wish life was like a comic strip sometimes. The occasional "Very Special Episode", and the rest would just be crazy hijinx. As always, click on the link above, and get ready, because the big 3rd Anniversary strip is coming down the pipe on Thursday!

Yet Another Horrible Idea

A professional wrestler names "Hugh" has the gimmick of being an exterminator. His promo catchphrase?

"Prepare for Hughmigation!"

Startling Life Realization

"Peace out, bitches," would be the most entertaining thing to hear come from Queen Elizabeth's mouth on her death bed.

We Seriously *Heart* Comics #535

Don't you just hate those guys who say they love something, and then continually crap over every single thing that comes their way, just to seem cooler than everyone else?

Yeah, I do to. And so, I wrote this. Click above, and enjoy.

Things to Accomplish (A Work in Progress)

Just to be clear, "Things to Accomplish (A Work in Progress)", is an abbreviated title. The whole title of this feature is really "Things to Accomplish Before My Untimely and Rediculous Death at the Hands of a Usurper to the Title of The Most Awesome Brandon (A Work in Progress)", but felt that a title of that length would be absolutely ridiculous.

Onward.

1. Become a Rock God - This is unlikely to happen, partly because I can almost play the bass guitar, and no one in their right mind thinks the bass player is cool. Except for other bass players. I just think it would be awesome to hit the stage with fog machines, and the world's greatest haircut known to man: the 80s mullet. I would be singing "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey, and everyone - everyone - would suddenly realize that I was the single greatest Rock God known to man.

More to come. Stay tuned!

-B.

Lost Toast #170

I'm making this post a little late - I spent the day finishing next week's big comic, so... at least you know it exists!

...you know, this space is going to be hard to fill once the third anniversary comes and goes.

Not the Oldest Brandon?

For those of you out of the loop, the "B." stands for "awesome". But also, it stands for "Brandon", which, let's face it, is a young person's name.

I mean, seriously, have you met an older person named Brandon? Have you? I certainly hadn't. Until today.

I was working in the book store, minding my own business, when this elderly gentleman and his wife approached me. A crooked smile appeared on his face, and he said, "Brandon, is it?" - my name being pinned to my dapper company vest - "That's a good name. A solid name."

"Yes it is," I replied.

"It's mine too," the old man said.

And I swear, I nearly slapped him across the face, and called him a liar.

This guy? A "Brandon"? No way in hell. I'm the oldest Brandon, dammit! There are no older Brandon's than me!

But, as his wife was swift to confirm, his name was, in fact, Brandon. Thus, I am lead to two cof two conclusions.

Conclusion one: this guy's parents could foresee the future, and knew that one day, Brandon's would rule the earth, and named their son accordingly.

Conclusion two: I have come back in time to subtly warn me about the dangers of trying to gather every single Brandon in existence, so that we may take over the world.

Your thoughts would be appreciated.

Lost Toast #169

Countdown is on... until the big 3rd anniversary! Just three more to go!

And my money says, they won't know about the 1,000 Fahrenheit hot metal lights behind your eyes!

The Soupy Toasterson Show Returns Soon...

You must remember this:

Yes, I have finished my first novel. Yes, it is about Soupy Toasterson and his star-crossed love affair with... well, love during the teenage years of life. And yes, you will be able to buy it - just not as soon as many of you (including myself) thought.

The first Soupy Toasterson book will be published on August 1st, 2007 - a far cry from my original mid-May idea, but on the plus side... that day is my birthday. What better birthday present is there than being able to hold your book in your hands? I submit: there is none.

But for those of you who can't wait that long, portions of the book will be serialized online before the release, starting on May 22nd, 2007.

The countdown is on!

Stay tuned...

-B.

Lost Toast #168

Do you remember, all the way back in Lost Toast #49, when I set The Bug's head on fire, and then left the internet for several months?

Yeah, well, that whole thing finally gets wrapped up. Ish. There's still one piece of the story left to tell, and it'll be coming up pretty quickly after the BIG 3rd ANNIVERSARY STRIP, but for now... enjoy.