And A Special Thanks to You

I would like to take this moment - yes, this one right here - to thank my fans. Especially the ones who have been sending me quite a few e-mails recently. Your response to my... whatever it is I seem to do, has been amazing, and... if you're up for it, I'd like to showcase a few of you right now. Sound good? Well, I can't hear you, Invisible Interweb Presence, so I'm just going to plow right on ahead.

Thank you Charles, for your offer to bolster the size of my minuscule penis. You may be surprised to learn that you aren't the first to offer me the chance to trade up from "Cod" to "Halibut" status - but I can assure you, you are the first who offered to do so with your very own loving hands. I thank you for that, and I'll be in touch.

Also, another thank you is going out to Deena, who sent me a link to a place where I could learn how to penetrate my partner for upwards to two hours in a row! That was entirely unexpected, and above-and-beyond what I see from most of my fans. You, are a treasure.

And finally, a HUGE thank you to all of the organizations giving me awards for having the world's tiniest pickle. Back when I bought the jar at Safeway, I didn't expect to come home and find this kind of praise. While part of me wants to know how you found out about it so quick, another part is just happy to be recognized - and for that, you'll always be in my heart.

That's all the thanks I have time for right now, but keep sending those e-mails! You'll never know when you'll see your name in this very space!